My Canon Event

It all started on a random June afternoon in 1998. The day had likely been spent the same as so many others during my summer vacation…glued to the tv, most likely watching cartoons on Nickelodeon. I can still vividly remember seeing a commercial that started with some guys sitting around the campfire as one of them described this unbelievable creature they had witnessed while out in the woods shortly before one of them is snatched from their seat and carried through the air. The commercial then cut to some gameplay shots of a new Nintendo 64 game featuring a bear with a bird in its…backpack?. The game was called ‘Banjo-Kazooie’ and me being the easily-influenced child I was at the time, I knew I NEEDED to play it. Of course, the immediate hurdle preventing my playing said game was the fact I didn’t even have an N64. It was shortly afterwards that I discovered a way that I could play this Nintendo game that had (almost)entirely consumed my thoughts.

Looking a little dated, but I was sold instantly.

There was a small clothing/jewelry store in town that also rented out movies and games and I was THRILLED when I noticed a copy of Banjo-Kazooie sitting on the rental shelf. What made this even more a sign from the heavens was learning that the store also rented out Playstations and N64s. The consoles themselves were rented out in these black plastic briefcases with molded foam on the insides to securely house the precious cargo – these things looked like they’d survive a fall out of a three-story window. I was able to negotiate with my mom and she agreed we could rent an N64 and a game or two and play over the weekend. I can still remember coming out of the store, bulletproof briefcase and game cartridge in hand. At risk of sounding hyperbolic, this was the MOST EXCITED I’D BEEN ABOUT ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.

We got home and I frantically began hooking up the N64 to the little tv in my bedroom, where I spent almost every waking minute over the next two days. There’s something almost indescribable the feeling of playing the game for the first time – gameplay, music, controls; it was magical and I loved every bit of it. I still remember making it through the Spiral Mountain tutorial before collecting every note and puzzle piece in Mumbo’s Mountain. Next up was Treasure Trove Cove, which to this day is still my favorite level in Banjo-Kazooie. I managed to make it all the way to Bubblegloop Swamp that weekend, before getting somewhat stuck(no pun intended) and running out of time before having to bring everything back to the rental store.

After falling in love with Banjo-Kazooie in this brief amount of time, the goal over the next few months was clear: acquiring an N64 for my birthday in December. I had played Mario 64 and a few other games(Cruisin’ USA, NBA Hangtime, and Diddy Kong Racing) at various times when hanging out with my friends and neighbors and definitely knew I wanted one, but this time I possessed a newfound sense of determination. I was successful in wearing down negotiating with my mom and she agreed that I could have my choice of either a Nintendo 64 or PlayStation for my birthday. I briefly entertained the idea of getting a PlayStation over the fall after going back to the rental store and trying out a few games(NBA Live ‘98 and Nuclear Strike) and there was a new PlayStation game that looked pretty cool after seeing the commercials, titled ‘Metal Gear Solid.’ It was Banjo-Kazooie, however, that I can point to as *THE REASON* I needed an N64…and I regret nothing. My birthday finally rolled around at the end of the year and I finally got the N64 I’d spent so much time dreaming about, along with Banjo-Kazooie a couple days later during my birthday party.

I spent the rest of the month obsessively playing Banjo-Kazooie. I remember standing in the gym during basketball practice after school and counting down the minutes until I could get the hell out of there and resume exploring more of Gruntilda’s Lair at home. I can still remember spending the days leading up to Christmas collecting everything in Freezeezy Peak, which was 100% season-appropriate. It quickly catapulted its way into my favorite games of all time, alongside Super Mario Bros. 3 and Donkey Kong Country.

It was a couple years later that I got Banjo-Tooie, which I really liked, but never could say I loved the experience anywhere near as much as the original. A few years later I had the opportunity, as an adult, to play the HD remake of the original on my Xbox 360 and absolutely nothing had changed. I loved the game every bit as much as when I first played it – that familiar ‘Rare magic’ was still there.

I’ve been asked several times over the course of my online existence about which gaming memory means the most to me and getting my Nintendo 64(w/atomic purple controller) and Banjo-Kazooie is usually my answer. It has, along with a handful of other N64 games, become part of my Gamer DNA and has played a significant part in my life. One of the reasons I ever decided to start a gaming blog was finding an outlet to talk about games like Banjo-Kazooie, Ocarina of Time or Resident Evil 4 with others as I’d never come across many others who shared the same appreciation for those games(or gaming in general). I’ve written in the past about how much I love Banjo-Kazooie and I’ve even played through the game several times on stream. For all that I’ve droned on about the game, it feels like I still haven’t properly articulated how significant of a place in my life Banjo-Kazooie has occupied. It’s ascended beyond “just a video game” and symbolizes those moments of innocent childhood joy. A pure emotion that diminishes far too often over the years…

Happy 25th anniversary, Banjo(and Kazooie!) Guh-Huh!

Things I Hate(About Games I Love)

You ever have a game that you LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT except that one thing? It could be an enemy, level, storyline progression, etc. and, while it doesn’t necessarily cause you to dislike the game any less, you still have no particular eagerness to experience when replaying the game – i.e. Ocarina of Time’s Water Temple. In an utterly uncharacteristic display of pessimism(sarcasm?) I’ve decided to throw out my most disliked parts from some of my favorite games. Starting with…

Super Mario Bros. 3 – Plumber Hell

Super Mario Bros. 3 has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and I love it as much in my adult years as I did as a kid. As much as I love it, there’s still one part of Mario 3 that I still have an intense dislike towards. World 7 – Pipe Land is easily my least favorite part of my favorite game. As the name would suggest, the entire goddamn world(well, nearly) consists of a maze of goddamn pipes, and wherever you find pipes you will almost assuredly find piranha plants, along with what seems like hundreds of Munchers, their younger siblings. If that wasn’t enough, Pipe Land is where Mario 3 throws some annoying puzzle-like sections in the castle stages. Perhaps I didn’t possess the level of patience as a kid(or adult) that the game requires to successfully navigate, but it’s definitely emphasized here, making it the one section in Mario 3 where I absolutely will not hesitate in using a Warp Whistle to leave this godforsaken level and to the next area.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild – Slip Slidin’ Away

Alright, so…Breath of the Wild may not even be my favorite Zelda game, but having invested just short of 300 hours into the game across multiple playthroughs that I *do* love the game. For me, I tend to think of it as an open-world game that encourages and (mostly?) rewards exploration first, and a ‘Zelda game’ second. I’m not exactly in the minority when I say BotW is one of my favorite Switch games, but I also understand where others may not hold the game in as high regard, particularly in how it deviates from elements historically found in other Zelda games. I could mention either the “brittle as an 80 year old’s bones” weapons, which seem to break after precisely 4 hits, or go into some unhinged rant about being driven to near madness collecting ALL 900 KOROK SEEDS, but honestly those don’t irritate me *as much* as they do others. No, the thing that frustrated me the most in BotW is the never-ending episode of ‘It’s Always Rainy In Hyrule’. One of the departures from previous Zelda games is the fact that you can climb nearly anything in BotW…as long as it’s not a wet(slippery) surface. What makes it frustrating is when it feels like the entire eastern half of Hyrule has been affected by this meteorological malice. Don’t even get me started on the Faron region – the Florida of Hyrule, where it’s seemingly ALWAYS RAINING. You need to climb that rock wall? Well you can be damn sure it’s gonna start raining…it never fails. Maybe I’m just exceptionally lucky??

Resident Evil 4 – Water Hall(& Oates)

I may or may not have mentioned it before, but…I love Resident Evil 4. It’s my favorite game(alongside Mario 3) and the one I’ve played through more times than any other. That does not mean, however, that it doesn’t contain a few sections that are a bit of a headache and it’s more of a conscious effort to push through. This brings us to the Water Hall, located in Salazar Castle. This is pretty easily my least favorite part of RE4. The sequence begins with Leon and Ashley making their way through the castle and entering a giant room with…an indoor moat. During this test of both patience *and* accuracy, Leon must defend Ashley from waves of enemies as she makes her way around an upper walkway to raise a set of platforms to allow access to the far side of the room. Sounds simple, right? Yes…mostly. The concept is as straightforward as it gets, it’s just the fact that it takes Ashley an absurd amount of time to get between the two cranks, all while an army of cultists waddle towards her with intentions of carrying her away like a lunch box. Once you make it to the next room…this is where the real fun starts. Leon and Ashley barely make it through the doorway before being greeted by yet another swarm of cultists in yet another large open room with almost no cover whatsoever. Once again, the task is protecting Ashley as you make your way downstairs to a back room where you both need to step on opposing floor panels to reveal…that’s right *another crank* upstairs which will lower the staircase to make it the fuck outta there. Again, this is pretty simple stuff, it’s just the matter of being hit with arrows, axes, and flails while trying to accomplish this AND keep Ashley from getting carried away(or dying). My Pro Gamer™️ strat is usually to immediately run for the downstairs room and play defense – it’s much easier this way as you have your back to the wall. There will be a handful of enemies that can drop from through the ceiling above you, which means you still have to remain somewhat attentive to your backside, but you can still focus primarily on the shielded(or iron masked) enemies being funneled through the narrow doorway. All in all it’s probably not the most *complicated* sequence, but I still feel blood pressure spike whenever I reach that part of the game, which has been about once a year since 2005.

Bloodborne – Forbidden Woods

Well done, good hunter. You’ve defeated Vicar Amelia in the Grand Cathedral and interacted with Laurence’s skull, prompting a flashback conversation between Master Willem and Larry where we first hear the line – “Fear the Old Blood.” Now that we have the password, the next thing to do is leave the Cathedral Ward and set out on a scholarly visit to Byrgenwerth College. The only obstacle in your way is the Forbidden Woods. This oppressive, maze-like forest contains countless beasts and a number of traps to bamboozle inattentive hunters, but the single element here that catapults the Forbidden Woods to “I love this game but hate this place” territory is actually quite simple. Snakes…fucking snakes. The latter half of the Forbidden Woods is infested with disgusting creatures very imaginatively named Snake Balls, which really are nothing but several venomous snakes tangled into a knot. Sounds horrible, right? Well, even better, there’s the Gigamax version too – Great Snake Balls(it’s alright, I’d laugh too if I wasn’t terrified), and upon reaching the end of this area you get to fight the Shadows of Yharnam, the obligatory FromSoft gank fight against three cloaked assholes that can, and will summon gigantic snake heads that emerge from underground and generally scare the living hell out of me. Again, I love the shit out of Bloodborne but I’m *not* the biggest fan of the Forbidden Woods. <end rant>

Thanks for reading!